There is Love Here

I was planning on getting on here tonight and sharing with you how long my week has been, how little Arrow has slept, how overwhelmed I feel, and how this transition from 3 to 4 children has really caught me off guard and thrown me.  But then I started uploading images from the last few days...........................


..................and I paused...........


..........and I looked at the beautiful faces of my children, smiling with pure delight, and all I see is joy, and all I feel is love.

(Lissy's been working hard on her handwriting)

 

There is love here.

Oh, Lord, PLEASE help my children to feel it, despite me.

The House is a Mess...

...but we've gotten in two great, FULL days of home schooling.  Today we started The Story of the World and had a lot of fun with it.

Someone rolled over!  He was VERY proud of himself and boy did he ever have the cheering crew.  I have a feeling this little boy will think everything he does is pure magical the way the older 3 cheer him on.  And it IS magical.  And I'm glad the older 3 see that.

He is also getting very good at working those limbs that a week or so ago would just flap around uncontrollably.  He is grasping things, lifting his arms to touch our faces, and I've had to start moving my plate of food back when he's sitting on my lap at the table. 

 

Speaking of magical, there are trays of seeds soaking up sun in the playroom window.

And its ALWAYS a good day when Daddy brings home a load of planting dirt.  Oh the possibilities!

Yes, the house may be a slight mess, but I'm caught up on laundry, and our day was beautiful.  And really, that's what counts.  Maybe I'll clean tonight after the kids are in bed.  On second thought, maybe I'll sew...........................

Playing Catch Up

 

Oh how I love every second of breastfeeding this go round.  Literally, every second.  I've always loved it, and when looking forward to a new babe, nursing is the thing I always look forward to the most, but I am over the moon about it this go round.  I guess a few kids in, I really appreciate the miracle of it more, and how fleeting this stage is.  This baby boy can nurse whenever he wants.  My favorite time of the day, hands down, is when we snuggle up in bed together at night, and he nurses to sleep.  Oh my goodness....he's so warm next to me.  Seriously, I think I may need to go wake him up and snuggle down with him again.  :)

After months of goobing all over his fists, Arrow finally found his thumb.  I thought for sure once he found it he would never let it go.  But, he surprised me and has only truly sucked it a few times, and continues to goob all over his fists the majority of the time.

 



 

We have bounced all our babies on our exercise balls, but Arrow especially loves it.  His nightly routine is sitting on Zac's lap on the ball and getting bounced while the two of them watch a program on the computer together.  This week, the ball has gotten extra use as Arrow has been gassy.  Sometimes, bouncing on the ball is the only thing that calms him.  And it helps those gas bubbles rise.  So we bounce a lot.  Just the other morning, Arrow and I bounced while Logan sat at my feet reading his lesson to me.  I told Zac I want to buy every new mom a ball.  Its even better than a rocking chair, at least in our house.

 

 

This little boy sure isn't little.  At 2 1/2 months he was in 9 month clothes.  Those sleepers that had room in the length a few weeks ago are now fitting snug and at 3 1/2 months, he's moving into 12 month clothing.  Those pants he's wearing in the picture above, I made for Kian.  Kian was over a year old and WALKING when he wore those pants.  Arrow hasn't even rolled over yet!  Our older 3 have all had the same growth tendencies.  In fact, they've all gone through times where they were so tiny, the pediatrician was concerned.  I knew "failure to thrive" was looming in Logan's charts when he wasn't even on the growth curve as a 9 month old.  Felicity, at a year, wasn't heavy enough to turn her car seat around.  Kian is 3 and is still able to wear 24 month sized pants.  Our kids have always been small.  I just thought that's how we made them around here.  Then Arrow entered our lives like a brick.  Oh my, its so fun having a big baby.  His rolls and squishiness.....ugh!.....you just can't get enough!  Plus, I have to be honest, I do take some pride in knowing its my Mama milk helping him grow those delicious rolls.  Speaking of rolls, we've never had a baby with them before and we are just learning the importance of "roll management."  Apparently stuff can grow in those things!!!

oops.

Garden Time is in the Air

Blogger again has been giving me troubles and I have SOOOOO missed this space.  I really hope that's the last bit of trouble I have for a while!

We are getting ready to plant around here!  We've spent some time tidying up the garden and it sure does look nice.  I hope this will be the year we have a jungle of plenty out there!  This year, I think we may combine permaculture, with a loose approach to the square foot gardening method. I'm hoping these two gardening methods together will benefit the soil in our raised beds and help us learn how to maximize yield on our small plot. 

Last year, my gardening goal was to grow Calendula and learn how to make salve from the flowers.  I was excited to meet that goal!  We in this house have terribly dry skin.  Even poor Arrow.  His baby soft skin only lasted 2 months before he started getting the same dry patches my Mom, Lissy, and I get.  The salve has worked great and we are all enjoying it, and I love knowing where most of the ingredients came from, but I have a quick question for you salve/oil making Mamas.  Coconut oil has worked wonders on all our skin and I use it on Arrow's sensitive booty at each diaper change since its cloth safe.  This year, could I just steep my calendula in coconut oil for a few weeks, strain, and just use like that instead of turning it into a salve with beeswax? 

 Harvesting her Calendula yesterday.  This bush was FULL!

 

I don't have a major gardening goal this year, but I'd love to give our backyard a bit of TLC and plant flowers back there that I'd like to experiment with.

This is how Arrow enjoyed the garden yesterday while Felicity harvested Calendula, I pruned, and the boys filled Jiffy trays with compost for our seeds.  He enjoyed this very much!

We have new bunny girls.  Hopefully these girls won't be diggers like our last ones, who finally all escaped.  Our friends needed to re house these bunny girls and we were anxious to have rabbit fertilizer, and bunny friends again.  Meet Loppy and Skippy.

I wrote a whole handmade holiday post weeks ago but Blogger wouldn't let me post it.  It seems too late now but I'd love to leave you with this picture of my four in their Mama made Christmas jammies because I was so happy to get a decent pic of the four of them together.

** Pants upcycled from our favorite old sheet set. **

Our Sanctuary (and a space for Arrow)

Zac and I have longed to turn our room into a "sanctuary" for years.  A place to go at the end of long days to relax.   A calming place.  I am very bad, apparently, at taking "before" pictures so I can't show you the sunshine yellow our room used to be.  But trust me, it was a bit overpowering.  While I layed on bed rest, my amazing husband worked circles around me (literally....he pulled the bed to the middle of the room and painted around me).  It was fun to watch the progress each day.  By the time Arrow was born, our room was repainted and redecorated.  A sweet little sanctuary with cozy spaces for Arrow too.  Here it is.

 Zac made our bed a few years back.  When I was a little girl, I had a friend down the street who's parents had a tall bed.  It was so tall they had a step stool for the kids to use to get up into the bed.  I loved it and ever since then, I wanted to have a TALL bed when I was married.  That was my one request when Zac made this bed.  And he met that request.  It is so tall it was hard to get up into during the last months of each pregnancy.
 The lights above our night stands were made by Zac too.  They're hard to see and for the life of me I can't get a good photo of them.  But he raided my Pinterest boards and made me mason jar "chandeliers" that I had pinned.  They are on dimmers and I love them! 
Those pillows were one of my partial bed rest sewing projects.  Quick and simple.
The crib is a special hand me down.  My wonderful friend's daughter, Olivia, used this crib.  Olivia went to be with our Lord a few days before she turned one.  My friend handed down her crib to us and every one of my babes, other than Logan, has used it.  I think of Olivia VERY often, having her crib in our house.

 



 

We don't cosleep because it freaks us both out and then no one gets good sleep.  But we have always had our babes in our room right next to our bed for the better part of their first year of life.  I love hearing Arrow snore and sigh in the night.

 

 

Towards the end of Arrow's pregnancy, Zac spent a lot of evenings out at his work bench crafting with wine barrels.  Here's one of his creations that hangs near our closet.  The photos are double sided and any slight movement of air makes them spin.  When I sit rocking Arrow, I stare at these pics of my sweet babes.

 

Opposite the wall our bed is on, is Arrow's changing station and my rocking chair.  I made the twig art above his changing table while I was on bed rest.  The "Arrow" sign was made by my dear friends for Arrow's henna belly party.  He LOVES to stare at his sign and the red mushrooms hanging from the twigs.  That little rocker sits on four legs and only the seat part of the chair rocks, on springs.  It was my Grandnana's.  A few years back my mom and Papa refinished it for me.  It isn't the most practical rocker, but I love it because of the love and history in it.  I have sang Arrow to sleep many a time already rocking here.  The main reason it isn't the most practical is because I can't lay my head back and fall asleep rocking with him myself.  :)

 



 

On Grandnana's rocker sits a baby afghan that my Nana made when I was pregnant with Logan.  I specifically asked for a mint green afghan, and I love it.  But when Logan was born, Nana wanted to make him a more boyish afghan (we hadn't known his gender while I was pregnant with him).  Logan's boyish afghan is a bit wonky and shows Nana's first signs of Parkinsons affecting her work.  When I was pregnant with Felicity, she started an afghan for her but by then was unable to finish it because of the Parkinsons.  Her sweet friend helped her finish the rest, so Felicity has an afghan started by Nana, and finished with the love of Nana's dear friend.  I feel like that little mint afghan was Nana's last bit of knitted perfection before Parkinsons stole her talent from her.  It has wrapped all my babes in warmth. 

That little table was also my Grandnana's.  My iPod sits here so that Arrow and I can listen to my relaxing "labor and delivery" playlist while we rock.  I also have burp cloths at the ready for nursing, and in that basket under the rocker is my Moby, and taggies for when he's older.  The quilt hanging here was Zac's and my wedding gift to each other.  I was hoping it would become a family heirloom but sadly, it is already worn so much that we decided to take it off the bed.  Maybe it just wasn't made to last.  I don't know.  But here it can hang, on the twig hanging branch Zac made for it using branches from my mom's property.

 

So there you have it.  Simple with a lot of hand made love thrown in.  Just how we like it.

While I was gone....

......this boy grew!!!!

While I was gone, I also learned I had more blog followers than I thought!  I really thought only my mom really read my blog.  HI MOM!!!  But it was kinda nice to feel missed and told so.  Anyways, I thought my devoted, never leave a comment, blog stalkers may want to see how big our boy has gotten since I've been away.  He was a newborn when I took my forced break, and now he is two and a half months old....a newborn no longer.  So here's some stats on our big guy...

* At 2 1/2 months he's closing in on 15 pounds, staying put at that 90% status he's held since day one.

* He loves to sleep.  Let me tell you, I'm one blessed Mama!  He slept through the night (6 hours) at only 4 weeks old and since he was about 6 weeks old, he's been sleeping 8+ hours a night, waking up in the morning to nurse in bed with me, and then sleeping on for another hour or so.  I'll tell you, its HARD to pull myself away from this warm snoozing sweet piece of heaven after I nurse him in the morning.  And honestly, some days I don't.  Some days I doze next to him and listen to the older three read books, and play with their Leapsters and castle.  I was feeling guilty about this, but then I remembered how fleeting these days are and I literally feel like I'm soaking up these wonderful moments when I snooze with him next to me in the morning.  I know these lazy mornings won't last forever.

* Like his older siblings did, he LOVES his changing table.  He's laying there talking to the decorative mushrooms hanging on the wall as I type. 

* He's a homebody, especially in the evenings.  Dates with baby in tow haven't been too successful because of this.  But that's ok.  If I were a baby, I'd rather stay home and nurse and nap on Mama all evening too.  Can't blame the kid.

* He is a dream baby.  VERY easy.  But man is he a Mama's boy!  Its only recently that others can hold him for any length of time.  And he still won't let the kids hold him.  He slept on them a lot as a newborn but once he figured out he was in a child's arms, he wanted none of it.  We keep trying.  Our poor baby vultures want to hold him so bad.  He also hates when they "pet" his cheeks, which they just can't help but do.  He does, however, like it when they lay next to him and talk to him.  I guess he has a personal space bubble.  I can relate.  :)

* He hates fast movement.  If we're holding him and bend down too quickly, his whole body tenses up and he screams.

* He loves being "worn" in the Moby.

* He likes to stare at things with light/dark contrast on it.

* He wears 9 month clothes.

* Since day one, he has been a grunter, and makes loud nursing noises.  Sometimes he also hums in his sleep.

* He sweats.

* He likes to suck on his fist.

* He hates tummy time.

* He loves to be swaddled.

* He has Mama's eyes, disappearing with the slightest grin. 

* He is adored!

Cozy

Oh home school, you are my nemesis.  You are the opposite of everything I wanted you to be.  Fun, easy, natural learning?  Hmmmmmm.....not sure how that happens when littles need to be motivated to learn NEAT handwriting.  Days straight out of Little House on the Prairie?  Not unless Ma's house was trashed most days and children ran stomping through the house because the yard is too small to run in.  Learning happening naturally and inspired by nature?  I wish. 

Sigh

 

 

One day......one day this blog will not be full of post about how we are aimlessly wandering, trying to find our niche in home schooling.  One day I will feel like I wake up and know where to lead my kids that day, and the goals that should be accomplished.  One day it will not feel like a chore.  One day it will not give me anxiety at night that I literally have to pray away.  One day my friends (and blog readers) will be free from having to hear about my lack of direction. 

 

 One day my kids will not have a mom who is crabby when it comes to home school.  One day they'll have a mom who is patient to the point of long suffering if needed.  One day I won't have to apologize to them at the end of our day.  One day it will all meld, and we'll all get it. 

 

Until then, we will end hard days curled up in spaces of comfort.....snuggled down in love.....reading together as the trials of the day wash away.  And then we will go to our own little nooks, with all our special things, and read some more....warm and snug.

 

 

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I wrote this post a while back, while on my forced blog break.  I was excited to come back here today and see that blogger gave up again on trying to charge me for posting pics.  Since I wrote this post, I've been reading Large Family Logistics which I'm hoping will help me with some of the frustrations I mentioned above.  I wasn't sure if I should post this old entry, but decided to.  Some blogs are always so happy go lucky.  But I'm determined to be honest in this space.  My honesty in our home schooling journey has led me to reach out and receive help from some amazing moms.  I hope my honesty here helps other moms feel "normal"......whatever that means, right?  :)

 

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I am HAPPY to be back in this space!!!