A Few Recent Moments

(from the last 2 weeks....playing catch up)

Enuh, was allowed into our presence, for the first time ever.

Enuh is Felicity's secret imaginary friend.  I knew about Enuh, because I'd walk in when Felicity was speaking to her.  I'd introduce myself to Enuh and tried to act normal, thinking that Lissy was keeping her imaginary friend a secret because we'd think it weird.  Still, Lissy kept Enuh to herself.  But on THIS day, Enuh came out to help Lissy sweep.

Kian shared his most FAVORITE book with Twoey.

Our new curriculum arrived!

It was SO sweet to watch the kids anxiously await the FedEx truck.  We knew which day it would arrive and waited ALL day.  Finally, it arrived at 5pm while we were outside playing.  We all went in to open this big box of beautiful books.  It felt like Christmas.

Logan can't wait to read this book, My Father's Dragon.

Kian likes the Childrens' Dictionary.

We are all excited to start schooling with this new curriculum.  I PRAY this excitement sticks as we enter the world of Sonlight and make it a part of our daily lives.  I LOVE the sound of this curriculum.....have loved the thought of it since Logan was 3.  Its very exciting to have it in our hands, and its thrilling to see how anxious the kids are.  I hope we find our niche with Sonlight.  We'd REALLY like to finally settle in to this thing called home school, and just enjoy our learning.

A Love Donation

Today was a B.I.G day in our house!

The day started out pretty normal, with Logan sporting his favorite guitar shirt, and his famous long red hair.

But then, we all went to the salon! 

Logan has been thinking of cutting his hair, and donating it to Locks of Love for a while now.  Last week, he was VERY ready.  So the appointment was made.

His hair was sectioned off into little pony tails.....

....and then the cutting began.

Lots of hair to donate.

His very anxious Daddy watched on.

And then it was short!

And Logan ran to Zac.....and cried.

Poor guy.  I think it was just a big shock.  Also, the cut took longer than he expected.  I think he thought that he'd walk in, get all the little pony tails cut off, and then be on his way.  He didn't love the styling part of the cut.  We took some time to love on him and then he stood up, shook his head, and happiness spread over his face.  He LOVED the feeling of shaking that short hair.  And from that moment on, he was thrilled with his cut.  As we drove off, he saw a child without hair, and told us excitedly that maybe his hair would go to someone like that.  He spent the rest of his day excited about his decision. 

 And I'm so glad this was HIS decision.

He's excited to send off his donation.

And here's my handsome SHORT haired boy!

Before                                                                                             After

Today

I've been pulled away from the blog lately.  Zac had surgery on his shoulder so last week was spent doing a whole lot of relaxing and laying low as he healed.  Though we didn't like seeing him in pain, the kids and I SURE did love having him home for 10 days straight!  TEN!  We are all counting down the months until this out of town job is over.  He was supposed to be home by my birthday in March, now its looking more like April.  **sigh**  I mean, thank you Jesus for employment. 

So, today......
Today started off very slow, windy, and rainy.  We had to be inside all morning, which I was not thrilled about because we are on a two week homeschooling break while I learn the ropes of our new curriculum.  So I didn't even have scheduled school stuff to keep the kids busy.  And they started getting full of energy fast.  So I gathered up all sorts of art supplies and loaded up the table.  This sort of project never thrills my busy boy, and he was tired of painting on paper nearly as soon as we started.  For some strange reason, I reached into Grammy's fire starters pile and pulled out a cardboard egg carton.  "Here, Logan, try painting this."  He was HOOKED!  The kids spend ALL morning water coloring egg cartons, TP rolls, and sticks of kindling.



I showed them how to reveal secret messages with watercolors.

Logan thought that was pretty cool.

This is the kind of mess I love.

Now, Kian naps, Felicity and Logan are finally outside in the sunshine and wind, and I'm off to soak up some "mama sanity" time (as a wonderful blog friend says).

Valentine's Day Prep

Valentine's Day is really one of those days I didn't get into much before having kids.  After having kids, its pretty fun!  I've been pinning lots of Valentine inspiration on my Pinterest board, and the other day, I thought I'd give one of the inspirations a go with the kids.  I started to set out supplies, and what was supposed to be stuffed felt hearts, turned into its own little creation.....one that incorporated reading skills for Logan.  Sweet!  I love when projects take over and turn into school projects as well.

Somehow, stuffed hand sewn felt hearts turned into this.  Don't ask how.  My mind is usually all over the place.  As I was setting up the supplies, I realized I had to order the steps somehow or madness would ensue.  So I decided to set up a station type thing.  Each station had directions printed on the craft paper and I used words that Logan was capable of reading.  When I showed them how the stations were going to work, Logan read each direction to us.

Then I set them free and a sort of semi controlled, creative chaos took place.

They worked hard and were totally into the project.  I think they liked the clearly laid out stations and knowing what to expect next.

All of a sudden, I was left with a very controlled mess, and a table full of BEAUTIFUL Valentines!  The kids were excited about their creations, and clean up was easy for them since it was controlled and sorted out, if that makes sense.

I kinda don't want to send these off.

They're so pretty!

A Few Recent Moments

Someone got a good brushing.

And a good cuddle.

This girl loves to lay on her dog.  I guess a pillow that is bigger than yourself, always warm, and never complains IS nice.  I have similar pictures of myself laying on my dog when I was her age.

At Grammy's house, the kids get to watch T.V.

At our house, not so much.  :)

It has been interesting, and sometimes funny, to watch my kids learn about the T.V. programs.  This is a first for them as we've never had cable in our house.  I don't love them watching T.V. but I have noticed that often times, when they do watch it at Grammy's house, they cuddle up together.  Often times, all 3 of them will be crammed on to ONE couch cushion.  And when we go home on the weekends, they don't ask to watch T.V.  They know its just something they do at Grammy's house.  So for this season, I'm cool with that.  :)  I was also happy to discover that there is one channel, tailored to young children, that never shows commercials.  So, when they watch T.V., I only put on that channel.  I thought that was pretty nice.

Playing hide and seek in the evening.

My hiders usually hide together.......in the same place.....over and over.

Oh well, its still fun, and very funny.

When I snapped this shot, I was trying to get a picture of 3 blobs under a very wiggly blanket, with ALL of Felicity's VERY full dress skirt hanging out. 

"Hmmmmmmm.....I wonder where they could be!"

Kian took his first ride on the "tractor" with Uncle Donny.

It was the highlight of his day.

Mercy

A due date is a strange thing.  One day, a nurse magically pulls a date from the heavens and places it in your life.  Suddenly, that obscure date, which you've walked past many times in your life with hardly a second thought, becomes of great importance.  Life now revolves around that date.  It holds hopes, dreams and is anxiously awaited.

Today is February 1st, a day I have anxiously awaited.  But only for a short time did I anxiously await this day in a good way.  For many long months, I knew in the back of my head, that this day would be hard.  Then, as soon as we entered January, I couldn't get it out of my thoughts.  I honestly tried everything I could think of, but the approaching date, and my fear of it, consumed me. 

Today is my due date with the first baby we lost.

I really haven't ever had a very hard time getting pregnant.  Last Summer, after losing the baby, I clung to the hope that by the time I reached this day, I'd have another little one inside me kicking away.  Yes, the day would still be hard, but the kicks inside me would remind me of God's ultimate plan and mercy, and would make the day a bit easier....bittersweet.  I thought for sure this would be the case and sure enough, I was pregnant again a few months later. 

With that pregnancy, everything seemed so right.  Everything made sense.  Yes, my miscarriage had been hard, but I knew God was extending grace and in some strange way, I knew that had I not miscarried, I'd never have had the baby I was then carrying.  Mercy seemed so obviously handed down to us, straight from heaven.  Though the pain from the miscarriage was still immense, in a hard way, it all made sense.

Then I lost that baby too.  I can not even put into words how crushed I felt.  Everything that had made sense suddenly didn't.  I begged God for mercy when I thought I was losing the baby.  And when I did lose the baby, I wondered what that mercy would look like, or if it would even help pull me all the way out of my sorrow.  Yes, I did hope that I would be pregnant before my first due date, but now I had two lost due dates.  And the baby that I thought was sent to fix my emotions, was gone.  To top off the sorrow, the postpartum hormones I had after the 2nd miscarriage were overwhelming.  I sunk into myself and I honestly don't remember much of October and November.  I would "surface" every once in a while, which was good, but then I'd sink in again as the sorrow was just overwhelming.  I know those feelings were exasperated by the constant medical tests I had for the better part of 3 1/2 months.  I think there was only one or two weeks since October that I was NOT awaiting a test, or awaiting the results of tests.  All seemed frightening as they were testing for things that would be difficult to deal with on top of the miscarriages, had they been positive.  One test after another...labs upon labs, MRI, ultrasound....God showed His mercy and each test came back fine.  That time was emotionally exhausting.  I know that my exhausted state, and the worrying of tests, diluted my ability to wade through my sorrow.  And as January wore on, it became evident that I would not be blessed with a positive pregnancy test before February 1st.  I feared the date more.  I wanted to sleep the whole first week of February away.  Well meaning people have told me to focus on the three wonderful kids I DO have, as if that will take away my sorrow.  I know they mean well, and I DO focus on my wonderful kids, as I think is evident on this blog, but loving doesn't heal sorrow.  I grieve the love I will not get to shower on my babies in this life. 

I went on a womens' retreat a few weekends ago.  I was not prepared for it to be as emotionally exhausting as it was.  Wow.  I could go on and on about different lessons I learned, and how God spoke to me, but as this is long already, I will just focus on my fear of today's date.  God showed me that I was letting my humanness get in the way of my healing.  I knew what I needed.  I needed to feel life in me by this date.  I knew another pregnancy would help.  Why wouldn't God allow that?  It seemed so easy.  Walking through this date "empty" sounds so hard.  But then God spoke to me and I realized how petty I was being. 

If I had been pregnant today, I would have had a hard time, but I would have clinged to the little one moving within me, and the hope that they would bring.  Without that, I have nothing else but to cling to God and the hope that HE will bring.  In my sorrow, I couldn't realize this.  It wasn't until I knew I'd have an empty womb on February first, that I was forced to turn to the only thing left, my hope in God.



February 1st will never be an obscure date on the calendar I walk past each year.  It will always be a day I will think about my lost baby.  But I think it will also be a day I will think about how God was there for me in a way I didn't know I needed Him to be.  How merciful.